My memory recall is getting so bad. When I post on this blog, I usually load pictures and then write but I can never remember which pictures I've picked in the right order. So, I publish the pics, then I go back and edit and add words. Sometimes this takes up to six edits! I always catch typos too late. I saw something on tv that explained why I have problems forming words or finishing complete sentences. Sleep deprivation. Yes. Its supposed to be excusable when you've got a newborn but my problem is not being woken several times a night but rather choosing to stay up later than is healthy in order to have time to myself and get work done.
Its going to happen again tonight. And tomorrow night. No matter how tired I am in the morning or how much I plan to change my ways, I always catch a second wind around 9:30 and convince myself its worth getting another blog post in or this other project completed. Then there are Flickr pics to find and other blogs to read and I'm crawling into bed @ midnight. Its taking its toll. I cried twice today. Mostly out of exhaustion.
So, here's a toast to all the ladies in blog land who burn the candle at both ends to do what they love and make it all work. I grant you all a moments rest.

I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight. Its getting better for me.
I took Sebastian in for his 15 month wellness check and the nurse acted worried that he wasn't talking yet.
I got called a 'HO' while driving out of the gym parking lot for getting in a high schoolers way.
My mom came home from the Dr.'s on medication that made her say funny things that she can't remember. I'm not telling.
I have boxes and boxes of scrapbook supplies that need to be dealt with.
I made an effort to be thankful.


Michelle said...

Sometimes I think some of us skipped those cruel teenage years... I wish people weren't so inconsiderate. I know the second wind feeling. I get mine right as I think I'm about to go to bed (hence the late night blog reading). It feels wrong to not stay up and be productive with the energy! And I think its completely normal to cry when your exhausted. Sleep will help. Hopefully you'll feel more energized tomorrow.

I would like to hope that this nurse had nothing else to focus on since Sebastian is so healthy that she found something else to worry about. From the videos it looks like he is talking...

On a totally different note, I talked with Allison from Hambly and they have pushed the warehouse sale back to the next Expo (I think August 08). Sorry to disappoint. Go see all of the Hambly goodness on my blog and that should make you smile :).

tonya said...

do you know about compose mode? when you post you have the option to view what you are doing in html or compose mode. if you choose compose you can see the photo. sometimes you will have to click over to html and back to compose for the photo to show up. that's maybe one thing that will make things easier. the other is that they just automatically get easier when you no longer have to be the hands and feet of another person. my children are 17 & 21 so i've been there.

i'm sure you are doing it as brilliantly as it can be done. pat yourself on the back.

Elise said...

I think that second wind exhausts mommies, but also gives them the strength to go on. I know me time, or hubby and me time is needed to remain sane the next day.

On your ducky video Sebastian seemed to be making word tones, using inflection. My first daughter didn't say *any* words except momma & dadda until she was 23-24 months old. She's four now and scores as a 6 & 7 year old on those silly tests with Parents as Teachers.

Holly said...

Midnight?!? Girl, you get more sleep than I do! LOL. Even if I make the effort to come to bed at midnight, I toss and turn with all kinds of ideas rolling around in my head. Either way, I end up staying up until around 2 or 3. Then, one of the kiddos is usually up by 8.

I am constantly forgetting things too. I walk in to a room only to stop and think, "Now, why did I come in here again?" Half the time, I walk out of the room still without a clue. *sigh* But, if I didn't stay up at night, I would never get anything creative accomplished. Well, except the little bits and pieces that occur IF I can actually get both of my kids to take a nap at the same time. That really doesn't happen often.

I'm sure Sebastian is fine. He seemed like he was talking fine in that video. I can remember when my daughter was about 3...she could just string together 2 or 3 word sentences. She knew lots of single words, though. Anyway, we took her to my friend's little girl's birthday party that was only 3 weeks older than Hazel. This little girl, no kidding, looks at her mom, and says, "Mommy...come over here. Sit down, take shoes off, and put feet in the pool!" Seriously. I cried all the way home because I thought something was wrong with Hazel. Well, also probably because I was sleep deprived even back then...LOL. But, she turned out fine. (And, the pediatrician said Hazel's friend was the one that was WAY ahead of schedule). Don't worry...I'm sure he's fine. ;0)

Lauren Z said...

It is Ok- we all have days like that.
I have had a week like that as well.
This morning I cried as I ate a bowl of Honey nut Cheerios- I am not sure why, but there was no stopping it. The tears just rolled down my cheeks as I ate, because I was frustrated. Not sure what or why I was frustrated- but there you go. Tears and cheerios. (sigh)

I do not have any children, but I do work 2 jobs and when I get home every night, I have just enough time to say hello to all the pets, change my clothes and start making dinner before John gets home.
My Problem is that I do not have a second wind. I am up at 6 something most mornings, and start running with my day, and by the time I finish dinner and the dishes, I am ready for bed by 9pm. (some weekends I stay up tell 11pm, but even then I am usually falling asleep at the craft table). I am lucky if I can a hour or 2 during the week to be creative. (any my blog always has a typo here and there- it means I am keeping it real)
But I also wake up at 3 am with tons of creative ideas that never get made because I almost never have the time to go in the craft room these days, and cannot fall asleep for a hour or 2 because of all the ideas. Sleep Depravation is a part of my routine, and one day it will come to a point where I will fall in bed and sleep for a week :)

These hard days just remind me that I am human, and that it will get better.

Anonymous said...

Rachel girl,
sorry that you are soo tired, i don't have any kids, I hear you on the sleep depervation(school, work, and more school wears me out) Your mom saying funny things?? that could be interesting :) As for S talking, not talking, he is easily on track with his dvelopment. I know that I am not around him often, but just by watching videos I see him "talking". Suggestion: enroll in Parents As Teacher, I am a Parents As Teachers educator and the program helps parents know what their child should be doing, what you can be expecting, gives you ideas to foster this development and they help you too.oh yeah and it FREE {kids didn't come w/handbooks :)} last, but not least, love you and hope that you move to springfield soon. there is a nice house for rent next to us :)
love ya girl

Tina said...

ah, the lovely things teenagers say. Didn't know that they still used the work Ho...that makes me chuckle.

I am childless but everyone of my friends has children and each one is different. One speaks, one doesn't, one walks, the other still crawls, one is cutting teeth, the other hasn't. Each child is different. I understand that doctors have to tell you their concerns for various reasons but it shouldn't make you think that something is wrong with your little one and I say this to all my friends who are told that their child is this many months and they aren't doing what the national guideline says they should be doing. Easier said than done, I know this and I'm not a parent so what do I know, right? :)

Seriously, get some sleep. We all try to fit too much in a day. It's ok to go to bed early once in awhile and put other things aside. Your health is more important and if it's effecting you that much, go to bed a little early a couple nights a week.

If I were there, I would gladly help you package up your lovely kits and watch Sebastion while you go take a little catnap :) I'm getting to be quite the babysitter lately.

Have a great weekend Rachel.

JenCoen said...

Hugs Rachel! You rock! You give Give GIVE! And totally inspire. And I just want you to know that people appreciate it. I appreicate it!

~~wenhether~~ said...

I am right there with you on the sleep depervation. Between work and keeping house and my 2nd and 3rd winds, I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes the memory thing scares me but then I catch up on some sleep and it is better. Still not a nice feeling.

I wouldn't worry about what that silly nurse said. Coming from this nurse, I can tell you that kids are all different and that he will catch up and then some.

Did you just become a GA fan?

Cat said...

OK-Tate didn't start talking until, well, very recently and he is 2 yr 4 months. And guess what? None of the other boys in the playgroup started until about 2 either.... She probably has a girl or doesn't have kids. Boys take a long time and then come out with sentences. Seriously, Tate had barely said "Mama" and he comes out with "So cool! I do it myself" at some weird random time. Don't worry!

Charin said...

Oh Rachel, I *so* hear you about the sleep deprivation thing! :) Katie's still waking up several times a night and I never go to bed before around midnight. And them I'm a zombie at work in the afternoons.
Why do we do that to ourselves? :)

Try not to worry about Sebastian...I know that's easier said than done though.
Katie is 10 months old now and is not crawling on her hands and knees yet, just army crawling and I was really worried about that. Especially when everyone I saw asked me if she was *walking* yet! :)

But I think that every child has an area that they focus on, for example she's talking quite a bit but has no interest in being too mobile yet. :)
I can tell just from the pictures that you've posted and the videos you've shown that Sebastian is very active and very very smart (love that you were able to teach him to sign!) so he's probably just more focused on those things now. You are an awesome Mama and you don't have anything too worry about with little S. :)

Oh...and if you want someone to take some of those new scrapbook supplies of my hands you know how to get in touch with me. Just saying is all! ha ha ha :)

Charin said...

Oh...and if you want someone to take some of those new scrapbook supplies of my hands you know how to get in touch with me. Just saying is all! ha ha ha :)

(I just proved that I am going on way too little sleep myself, I meant if you wanted someone to take of those new scrapbook supplies "off" of "your" hands to let me know. Jeez :) )

*~*Jocelynne*~* said...

i am so sorry! it is hard to squeeze in all that stuff in a day. i think that's why people get sick so often.

thinking about ya! hugs and energy to you!

London Tierney said...

Dont cry! It will get better! Take time for yourself and know that we are all here in blogland to listen :)

Melody said...

I'm one of those people who stays up way too late too. I think I've got my days and nights mixed up, because sleep is oh so much easier for me in the morning hours than overnight. If I do go to bed early, I lay there with a million thoughts running through my mind; I should have done this or that, or my creative side starts pumping out ideas.

Anonymous said...

Ahh the torture that is sleep deprivation, and worse when we inflict it on ourselves! As a mum I HATE that I never get enough time to myself, but it's not fair that when we do grab a moment late at night and pay for it the next day.
Rach, this sounds crazy but thanks for having a crap day today coz I was having monumental one (like I'm going to literally pack my bags and leave the hubby with the three kids just so I can feel a shred of myself again) trying to hold onto God but just managing to put one foot infront of the other, one dinner on the table after the others... and hearing that someone else is not perfect either helps.
Bindi (Aust)

axis community church said...

*said in a voice disguised as a girl... so that the male presence might not be detected*

Great blog sister, entertaining.

*of course, the brevity of response could give away the fact that I am male... do you see how long those other responses are?? some are like mini-blogs themselves ;)*

Carla said...

ok so i totally thought this was you. :::

Joy said...

My sister's little boy is almost 18 months and doesn't say much...there's nothing wrong with being a late bloomer.

Marie said...

Sheesh! This really hit home for me. I totally stay up to late to have some quiet time...Let me tell you 4 kids dont give you that in the day even when they go outside to play..LOL!

You know kids grow at their own pace. I would just play word games with him. Like say mama ma ma...I use to do that with my kids...Im sure you already do do that lol!

Hahaha Ho huh? Well...umm..Hmm i have nothing to say except thats funny and what a punk lol!

Oh how funny I can only imagine what she said! heheheheh.

Scrappy goodness!! Woot! Get to it girlie!

shirlsh3 said...

my kids are all grown but i'm still up until 1 or 2 in the morning. usually doing some craft project or scrapping but i don't get to sleep in because now i have to get kids ready for school in the mornings. need to work on more things while they are in school and not bed i quess.

my youngest didn't speak until he was 3 and we didn't understand him until he was almost 4. kids speak when they are ready. he sounded like he was doing pretty well in the duck video. i wouldn't stress about it much.

Boriquaz said...

I feel your pain. I wake up every morning at 630 and this is after going to sleep around 1 or 130 and start the day all over again. The only time I ge anything done for myself is afer Isabella is asleep (which is after 10ish), which leaves me a couple hours to get things done if I want to relax. Sleep deprivation is a common issue for mothers, especially new ones as I have learned lol. My daughter is now almost 16 months and it doesn't get any easier.

As far as the HS'ooler that's too funny, kids these days have no respect, it's unbelievable.

Rock'nmama said...

oh bless your heart. I love that you totally described the story of my life ;)

This is the reason I stay up so late too. I read your blog daily...it helps with my sanity... :D

Shelia said...

Hi Rachel. I just wanted to say that I'm a speech therapist and my own child wasn't talking at 15 months. Even at age two he still had a very small vocabulary. Now he's three and doesn't stop talking! All children are different!

micayla said...

Hugs to you girlie,I am sure everything will work out just fine. My sister's son was a slow one to start talking and now doesnt shut up! You are soooo inspiring and your work is awesome!

tanyawebster said...

I see you have TONS of comments about this but I just wanted to add my own little comment about your sweet little guy....i have four kiddos and none of them did anything at the same time as the other....all of them are girls and I had one having full conversations with us at 1 1/2 and another who did not say too much until she was two....please dont worry even though i know it is hard...he is just fine...i always hate it when others make you worry more :( Hugs to you sweetie!!!

Kate Hagelin said...

several things...for starters that nurse is crazy!!! I have four kids. my first did not talk until she was two (and a girl yes). my fourth is 18 months and she's only just started talking. he will talk...don't worry.

I stay up way too late and am always on a short fuse b/c I get up at 5am. That's just the way I roll and the way I have to roll and will continue to roll until someone can figure out how to add hours to each day!!!

hang in there...Kate

danielle said...

no worries! my son didn't walk til 16 months.. your dr shouldn't have made you worry. They all walk at different times.. big hugs! :-)

danielle said...

ah crap. Call me an idiot.. you said TALKING.. well my son didn't say too many words at all til he was more than 2 years old.. and he's fine. :-)

Danielle said...

My daughter Ava didn't speak AT ALL until about 17 months, then she had a handfull of words like mama, juice, Daddy, doggy, until she was about 3. Then she EXPLODED with talking. She won't freakin' shut up now! I find myself wishing she'd stop talking.
Sleep deprivation, yes, we all do that to ourselves. I also find typing typos all the time. We're moms and we're tired and have alot on our plates. I get a second wind around 9:30, too. O'well!
As far as being called a "Ho," you were coming out of the gym parking lot and that's all I saw in your comment. Gym? What's that?
Oh, I cried twice today, no make that three times. My husband is out of town, we're moving out of state in less than 24 hours, and my mortgage guy is stressing me out with problems with his license, now my loan...AGH!
I am moving out of New Jersey though, that's a bonus! YAY!
Hope you are feeling better!
PS, your bird ornaments are adorable!!!!

Katie said...

found your blog today, love this post. i do the same thing. i amdead to the world most nights after i out the kids in bed, then after an hour of that, i think i can do this or that, and the other. the bloggy world tha ti have found is so great. not only the inspirations, but the other very real mothers who work so hard, but struggle just the same.
My daughter is 2 1/2 an dbarely talks, so I feel you here. i have talked to some experts around here who tell me not to worry until they are 2 1/2. I hope this helps. I will be back to read more of your blog, your work is beautiful!