I almost didn't share the news that we were pregnant because I didn't want to share something that still had the odds stacked against it. I didn't want to have to come back and tell everyone that something had happened. Something sad. Something I never thought I'd ever have to feel.I realized I had miscarried on Sunday morning. I sat in the bathroom and cried.
I have decided to let myself cry whenever I need to. I have decided to be sad for as long as it hurts. I have decided that I want to let it soak in and be a part of my story, though such a short part.
I think I'm going to make a quilt.
163 comments:
Oh, Rachel! I am so sorry. I have never commented here before (that I can recall anyway), but I really felt like I needed to come out of lurking and tell you that I am praying for peace + comfort for you and your little family. I really am so very sorry.
oh dear girl, I send a big hug....
I miscarried before my son, and know the hurt you feel, it's so hard. Crying helps, and you know what? Don't feel bad about sharing the news so early. Not at all. This way now you can have so many people praying for you, and helping you cope. I wish you all the comfort in the world right now.
love holly
tears for you sweet girl. your in my thoughts... <3
before I had ava, I had a miscarriage. and I know what you are going through, I know how difficult it is, how painful it is. you are exactly right to let yourself cry when you need to, let yourself do what you need to do. afterwards, ward and I somehow ended up in new york city in the tiniest hotel room ever and I remember that riding the subway soothed me in ways I never thought possible. a quilt might be just the thing. and it will be a beautiful part of your story.
so so sorry, rachel. you're in my prayers.
I don't know you personally, but I think you are very brave. Please know that I am praying for you and your family.
I've only just started to read your blog but I wanted to extend my sympathies to you and your family.
...have also been there....thinking of you...so sorry...sending lots of hugs your way...
Rach xxx
I am so sorry that you had a miscarriage Rachel. It is very upsetting, not only for you but also for your man.
I have had 3 miscarriages and it is terribly painful.
Never set yourself a timeline as to when you should feel better. I have two beautiful children, but I still have my hurt locked away that I visit now and again.
I am truly sorry.
oh i'm so sorry to hear this!! you are in my thoughts girly. sending hugs across the miles <3
oh, Rachel. I am so, so, so sad for you. I hate when people post things and say 'I don't even know what to say', but that is totally how I feel right now. I don't know you personally but you are such an inspiration to me and because I know 'of' you, I HATE to see that you are going through something like this. I hope you do cry as you feel the need. cry it out and let yourself heal. love and prayers for you, girl. big time.
I'm so sorry, Rachel. I will keep you in my thoughts.
So sorry Rachel, I can't imagine the hurt you're going through. Take very good care of yourself.
My heart goes out to you. I've been through the same thing. Time doesn't necessarily HEAL, but it does help. Until then, you're doing the best thing you can do for yourself by allowing yourself to grieve in whatever way feels right to you. Huge **hugs** to you.
I dont know you( but I check out your blog every now and again) but when I read your post I just wanted to let you know i am sorry you lost your little one. I asked God to comfort you...
I'm so sorry! I know how you feel. I miscarried my second pregnancy and it hurts so bad. Cry all you want and need too...it's the only thing you can do really. My thoughts are with you and your family!
Oh Rachel, how terribly sad for you. Please take whatever time you need to be sad and mourn the loss of this little person. Sending you strength and hope xx Janelle
Really sorry to hear that news Rachel. Praying for you. Love to you, Brett & Sebastian xx
Rachel, I am so sorry for your loss. You might download the song Glory Baby by Watermark. I may help in those longing moments.
i am so sorry rachel. please let yourself cry.
Oh Rachel - I am so sorry to hear this news. I had a miscarriage just a few weeks ago. My heart broke when I read you post because I know your pain all too well. This was actually my third miscarriage. I lost two about 5 years ago. But then was blessed with two boys {4 and 2}. However, I am still dealing with the pain of this loss. Actually last night I was still crying. Please do take your time to heal. It is a loss and you need time to grieve. This maybe hard for some to understand because they didn't get attached to the baby. I know you just found out - but it doesn't take very long to love. Please visit my blog that I posted on Oct. 1 of this month about my loss http://famtastic.wordpress.com/2008/10/01/sometimeslife-sucks/
take care. Please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to.
I'm so verry sorry for you and Brett.
I will keep you in my prayers.
love Bregje
I am so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts.
I had a miscarriage a long time ago and I know how hard it is. I'll keep you in my prayers. Take care.
I'm so so so very sorry Rachel! I'm thinking of you...
please know that i am thinking of you & your family...
I stumbled upon your blog via your wonderful photos....So sad to read your post..... Nothing I can write can convey what I feel for how you must be feeling now. Take care. MM
Rachel, I am so sorry. I just want you to know that Andrew and I are praying for you and for Brett. We are praying that the Lord will give you a little peace in the storm. Love to you!
I'm so, so sorry.
sending peace and love and prayers to you.
I am so sorry Rachel. I keep up with your blog and always enjoy your creative mind. Being a mom now myself, I can begin to imagine how hard this must be and my heart aches for you. I hope you are able to find comfort in your sweet son and husband, as well as your friends and family.
my thoughts are with you.. big hugs! may you find inner peace as you grieve this loss.
I'm pretty sure there will be no words to comfort at a time like this. There is a plan for you and your beautiful family. A plan more beautiful than we will ever know. So so sorry about your loss. All the hugs in the world send your way.
so sorry sweet girl.
sending you big hugs.
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Gentle hugs to you. Know that because you shared your news, your grief is shared (and hopefully divided), too. You're in my thoughts.
now that I am a mom I really understand what a miscarriage means. I am so sad for you - and you are in my thoughts even if I don't know you.
I'm so sorry to hear such sad news Rachel. Take as long as you need to heal, and cry as much as you want...I think making it part of your story is a wonderful idea. My thoughts are with you.
my prayers are with you sweet lady.
Thinking of you. So sorry.
i love you rachel.
I'm sorry, Rachel. I'll be praying for you and your family and the peace and comfort that you need. Sending big hugs your way...
xoxo -jamie
so very sorry rachel.
i have no idea how you feel but i am thinking of you and your family.
hey rachel,
know how you feel...been there too
I took comfort in just knowing that things happen for a reason..something just wasn't right
and fortunate that it was now rather than later..at least that's what I kept telling myself..I know I felt closer to my husband than I ever had..thanks for sharing and know you're in my thoughts..love, robin
Rachel,
I know I don't have the right words to say... I am so sorry. Praying for you... for your heart... for your body... for your family... xo
I just felt the need to share with you that i had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. It was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I really thought that I was the only one this had happened to (since all my friends got pregnant just fine), and it really helped to talk to women who had this experience too, and to just know that I wasn't alone. I don't know you, but I just wanted to share that with you and know that many are thinking of you.
Blessings will come your way!
Oh, Rachel, I'm so sorry. The warmth of a new quilt will be comforting at such a hard time. As you can see here - there are many of us out here in blogland thinking of you and sending good thoughts towards you and your family. Take care.
Hugs to you...
My heart is breaking for you but I also feel completely inspired by your strength. My prayers are with you and your family.
Cry when you need to smile when you can. I miscarried about a year and a half ago somedays the pain is still as fresh as the day it happened others are much easier. Take it day by day, I am now blessed to be 6 months along in my pregnancy of my second baby and without the loss the good times wouldnt be as cherished and sweet. My heart is out to you and your family.
i am so sorry. you are so brave and strong to share all these details with us. and its ok to embrace all those feelings, deep inside. sometimes i think god allows us to experience these things to help others on their journey. i am praying for peace and comfort and joy for you rachel. i think the quilt be healing. :)
oh rachel, i am so so sorry. i am thinking about you and your family. let yourself take as long as you need to heal, there is no need to rush your feelings. a quilt sounds like a lovely idea. hugs. dain
so sorry to hear your sad news. miscarriages are so painful, and it does take a while to cope. i'll be thinking of you.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish I knew the right words to say, but I don't. I do have several friends who have also been down that path, and they have started a chapter of MEND (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) here in T-Town. I don't know if they have a support group where you are, but I know it has really been a great support and outlet for them. Praying for you. And yes, cry whenever you need to.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
i am so sorry to hear that. so sorry for your loss. good for you for deciding to grieve however you need to and for letting it be a part of your story, something that shapes you. i pray you will experience comfort and peace when it seems impossible.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Coming out of lurkdom to say how sorry I am... I miscarried this summer and it was one of the most gut-wrenching things I've ever been through. I am so very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself, Rachel... ((hugs))
My mom had a miscarriage when i was younger, and I always remember her being really sad, but always trying to hide it from me. It made me sad.
make the quilt. it will help you feel better and tell a part of your story.
Im praying for you.
-mAdi
myspace.com/poutypirate
i check out your blog every now and then but have never commented before. i am so sorry for your loss. you and your fam are in my prayers
I just recently went through a miscarriage too. Definitely cry as much as you need. Even now reading this it brings back all the emotions of disappointment and guilt and pain and sadness. I will be praying for you. I pray God heals you and brings peace to you about this miscarriage.
Oh my, I am so sorry. Loads of love, hugs and healing energy being sent your way.
You are in my thoughts...
Our family lost our second pregnancy earlier this year. I know there's little anyone can say to ease the disappointment and heartbreak, but you are in my prayers and thoughts today. Sewing and snuggling carried me through the hardest parts.
Your post about this sad development was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your joy and your pain so eloquently.
You're in my thoughts.
jbhat
You don't know me but I read your blog regularly. I just barely went through this at 12 weeks and it has been so hard to get through. I just wanted you to know that there are others going through and I found the best thing was to express my feelings especially with other women who had gone through it. It is such a hard thing. I pray that you are feeling some peace. Even though you don't know me, if you ever need to talk I would be willing.
I'm so sorry! I too, will lift you up in prayer today. I've miscarried three times (I have three living kids too) and I gave each one of them a name. Along with knowing my babies are with the Lord, it really helps that they have an identity in my heart too.
I am so sorry Rachel, It is so vey painful. I had one my first pregnancy. It is very hard. I will pray for you and your family. I am crying for you. love and prayers to you.
hugs
T~
This is sad news. My heart hurts for your loss.
xoxo to u
I don't know what to say. when I read your words, my heart tugged a bit. well, a lot. I hope the words left here for you by all of these kind gentle souls bring you some peace and comfort. a thousand hearts are wishing for peace for yours.
so sorry for this horrible thing that has happened. I have been there at 14 weeks. I know we don't know each other, but I also know how hard it is. Praying for you.
Rachel I have just recently become a fan of your blog and I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I have had three miscarriages in the last three years and my only advice is take as muh time as you need, cry as much & often as you need too and remember no matter what there is always hope
<3 emily
rachel, i'm sorry.
i'm so sorry, rachel. my thoughts are with you and your family today. a quilt sounds like a peaceful, beautiful idea.
Oh Rachel...I have no words but want you to know I am thinking about all of you. ((((HUGS))))
Oh Rachel I am so very sorry to hear of your loss...I will be thinking of you...I think you should allow yourself to cry and grieve and I will be praying for you.
oh !!! I'm really sorry Rachel... hope you'll find peace, happiness and joy soon... you and your family...
a huge hug !
Cristina
I'm so sorry, there are no words. Hope you'll feel better real soon, take all the time you need
lots of love
I am so sorry. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family...
Rachel,
I'm SO sorry for your loss and hurt. Your family will be in our family's prayers. Meanwhile, I wish I could somehow bring you personal, tangible comfort. And I am serious about the prayers. We have been unable to have children ourselves, so this hurt is so close to our hearts. Our thoughts and prayers will be heartfelt and frequent....
please know that you and brett are in my prayers... do what you need to do for yourself. record this chapter in your life, quilt, but also know that you have a huge support system from your blogger friends.
hugs!
I love you, sweet girl.
I'm so so sorry, but thank you for sharing with everyone...it was still your baby, even though you only had them with you for a short time.
Bug hugs! ♥
Charin
I am so sorry, Rachel. I will be praying for you and your husband.
Rachel, I am sending you thoughts of comfort, love, and kindness. You and your family will be in my prayers. *HUG* Taking time to heal and cry, as well as make a memory quilt, will help your heart mend, although I know it will be forever touched.
Rachel,
My heart is broken for you, Brett and Sebastian. We were all so excited with you and now we're here to hold your hand and shed tears with you. Please remember that even though we don't all know you-know you, you've let us into your life and to me, that means we're kind of like family... and families stick together. <3 <3 <3
Lots of love,
Violet
I'll be praying for you and your family.
Do everything you can to take care of your heart.
I am so sorry to hear this sad news, girl. Sending you and your family long distance love and hugs and prayers.
xo jen
Oh, goodness....so sorry to hear this, Rachel! My thoughts are with you - hugs!
oh rachel!! i'm sooo very sorry for you!
Oh sweetie I am so sorry! I wanna cry!! I love you and am sending you big hugs and kisses!! Give one to hubs and baby too! If you need me you know where to find me. Ill do what I can.
Wishing you comfort during this loss...
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I've never commented on your blog before, but I felt I should say something in this case. I hope your pain eases in the coming weeks.
i'm so sorry.
I am so sorry.
Praying for you.
Nothing to say...except your in my prayers.
oh rachel, i am so, so sorry. there are no words that can help, although i am sending you hugs & hope.
Thank you for sharing all of your journey! I hope that you realize all the peoples lives you have touched without ever meeting them. Now all those people can say a little something special to you, when you are crying tears that your heart cannot say. I teared when I read your blog today, but then smiled because I realized in that moment there is larger picture and this was another piece of the puzzle. I will be sending you lots of warm fuzzies to comfort you in this time. You are a brave woman Rachel, and I again thank you for sharing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm a fan of crying... so let it all out!
sending blessings and love your way. you are brave and beautiful to bare yourself.
my deep condolences to you and your family. someday it won't hurt so much, but the pain is part of the process. i pray for you.
Oooh No!!! I too am very sorry to hear of your loss. Angela
:( So sorry for your loss, Rachel. I am just today 7 weeks pregnant and pray every day that this baby keeps growing healthily, I can't imagine what pain you must be feeling, you are in my prayers.
i'm so sorry, rachel. peace and comfort to you and your family.
I am so sorry Rachel. Praying for peace for you right now.
Rachel,
Sorry to hear about your loss. I pray that God gives you peace in this difficult time. I have never commented on your blog and i wanted to say that i am thinking of you!
Hi, I've never commented before either, but am sharing your pain. I miscarried last month at just six weeks, but it still hurts terribly. I wrote about it on my blog here: http://athomewiththerichardsfamily.blogspot.com/2008/09/loss.html
I had, like you, thought about not telling, but I really found that writing was a bit of catharsis and I hope it is for you as well. Blessing on your head and heart.
Oh no...
Rachel, don't you beat yourself up for telling everyone sweetie. You are entitled to feel excited and want to shout it from the rooftops. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't jinx it or anything like that. It happened and it's not your fault. Please remember that in your moments of doubt about sharing your news, and your sorrow.
It's awful that you have to go through this. No woman should. I have too. I still cry and miss my baby. It's okay to grieve however you want.
You have SO much support here...so much love and understanding...it's so lovely to see!
Sending you all the love and hugs I have in me :)
Love Karen xo
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My thoughts and prayers are with you...
i too have never posted here but i couldn't help but let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts.
i'm so sorry...
I miscarried my second child also. I know your pain, and weighted heart. Making a quilt is a brilliant idea. Time will heal your broken heart... and until that time comes, "we" are all here to lend you our shoulders to lean on. Take Care Rachel.. and Brett. :) Kyra¥
I am so sorry. Take care of yourself, truly take care of you.
xoxo
Meghan
OMG!!! I've been reading your blog for the last few months and have found tons of inspiration. I just wanted to send my deepest sympathy to you and your family. Just take each hour as it comes and hopefully some peace will find you soon. Huge hugs!!
Found out almost four years ago we couldn't get pregnant and my heart broke. Our sweet Sarah just turned two and I am thankful every day that I didn't let the sadness of that loss keep us from pursuing an adoption. Sometimes I still cry for the losses but always I remember the blessings. Enjoy your sweet little man and cling to your big man...
Praying for you...
I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you.
I'm so sorry for your loss Rachel. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. (((hugs)))
I am so sorry, Rachel. I'm thinking about you. Hugs.
sharing is deepy personal, but i believe that by sharing these things that were for so long viewed as 'forbidden' we can share our strength as extraordinary women. i am praying for you, and remember the love of family, friends and god (and time!) will heal all wounds. hugs-s
OMG Rachel. That makes my heart ache for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. So so sorry.
I'm so sorry Rachel.
Dear Rachel,
you are in my prayer.
From,
Monica
rachel, my heart goes out to you.
it truly does.
♥
Poor, poor Rachel...
Sending you a big hug, all the way from the Netherlands!
I am so sorry Rachel, prayers for you and your beautiful family right now.
I am so sorry! I send lots of warm hugs your way, and don't worry about the crying... Let it all come out. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
i`m so terribly sorry... and my heart goes out to you. this is the first time i am reading your site and i and so so sorry to see your pain. you are in my thoughts..
So sorry to hear this... it makes me so sad!
I also miscarried my first baby and can empathize with you.
I pray peace over you and your family.
I am so sorry to hear that you miscarried. Hugs to you.
I am so sorry to hear your news, my thoughts will be with you. And you should not feel weird or whatever for being open on here, you were excited as anyone would be. Take care!!!
Rachel, I am SOOO sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage and D&C just last month, so I really know some of what you're feeling. It hurts.
Cry, cry, cry. Scrapping the entire process, and my pregnancy {I was 14 weeks} was very therapeutic for me.
If you want to read about my story, process, quotes, and even a little article thing about feelings that you're allowed to have. Sorry I can't even remember the name of the article, but it's REALLY good, REALLY reassuring & validating of your feelings.
I'm going to email you later today some links that really helped me sort through the process.
I'm praying for you and Brett, and your family
I am so sorry.
Hi Rachel, I'm only new to your blog and never usually comment, but your news really hit me. I am so sorry for you and Brett. I had a miscarriage the Sunday before last aswell, so I know how it feels to some extent. Look after yourself, Emma x
Oh, Rachel, I am so sorry to read this. I hope you can feel all the love and support from blog-land. We may not all know each other, but I know you can feel a little uplifted by all the kind words.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.
oh rachel. i am so sorry that you are experiencing this pain and loss.
you will be in my prayers.
oh sweetie.
i am so sorry.
take whatever time you need to.
do whatever you need to.
just be and feel it and heal.
sending all my love, and hugs.
xo
i´ll pray for you...that it will heal...some day!
love eni
I'm so sorry for you and for what's happened.... I know this feeling of lost. I lost my second baby when I was in 6th month pregnant. You need a time and an occupation.
Hugs, hugs, hugs.
BIG HUG
Ula
may love come falling down all around to lift you up high above
<3
d
:( I am so sorry! My thoughts are with you and Brett.
You are in my prayers.
I am so sorry to hear this.
I don't know if you will get to my comment through all the rest but know that you are not alone. I too had to share this painful news with everyone who we had told far to early. I was 7 weeks. It might as well have been 7 months. The pain of losing the child we thought we would be having was as real as if I had the baby in my arms. I cried, then I got angry. I ran and ran to try and let the anger go. I woke up each morning and wrote down three pages of hate to anyone who dared carry a baby to full term.
Then the grief dissapated and i worked towards making my body the healthiest vessel possible to carry the next child to blossom in there. And blossom she did.
Feel the pain, feel the grief and, when you get pregnant again, feel the fear. It all float away before you know it and it will make you the best mother you can be to Sebastian and whoever his little sibling will be.
God bless and good luck.
Rachel, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I can only imagine what you are going through. *gentle hugs to you*
Miss Rachel, I am so proud of you. It takes a lot to tell people about a miscarriage after you have shared about a pregnancy and a lot more to be genuine about your frustration and pain. It's okay to grieve for a loss. Work through the pain, girl. I'm so proud of you being open and genuine on your blog about this experience. I'm praying for you girl that God will give you a peace and comfort. You are amazing and will come out on top. :]
<3 B
This is the first time I've visited your blog...
I just want to let you know that I am so sorry, and praying for you and your family tonight. <3
Thinking of you.. having suffered 3 miscarrages i can begin to understand how you might be feeling, even though everybody's experience is different. May you get through this time with the ove and support from your family and friends. God-willing you have a little bundle of joy, when you are ready for it..My only advice to you is to also think of your husband - i know that my Hubby, felt the pain as well xxx
Oh my dear, I'm so sorry.
I've only discovered your blog not too long ago but reading through old posts I could really sense the love in your family and your joyous approach to life. I hope you felt better after a good cry and I wish you lots of happier days to come.
You and your sweet family are in my thoughts and prayers!
Thinking of you so came by to deliver more love, hugs and good energy. Be well.
Rachel,
I am so sorry. Please know that you are loved as well as your family. Make the quilt. Cry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
i experienced two miscarriages in six months. the loss is devistating. you will be in my thoughts... take time to heal in your own way.
Dear Rachel...I am so sorry...I haven't been reading blog for a while and I was sad to read such sad news...but keep your head high and your heart open and soon you will send us happy news...I know how you feel believe me...I wish you love....Maja/Croatia...
hun, i am so so so very sorry.
God bless.
so, so sorry to hear your news. hugs to you.
Brett and Rachel,
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear baby. We miss you, and we'll all be praying for comfort. (We too have a baby who we're waiting to meet in heaven.)
With much love,
Rhonda and all the other Johnstones
I am so very sorry. I've been through this twice...wrote about it here once
http://www.messycanvas.com/2007/11/being-authentic.html
It's hard. I hope you begin to feel some healing.
You're an inspiration to many. Much love!
my heart goes out to you. i, too, know how painful this terrible experience is. i check in on your blog now and then because what you do is beautiful and inspiring, and i am certain you are as well. only you know what is best for you at this moment, so listen to your hurt little heart. looking forward to seeing your quilt, i'm sure it will be beautiful. we planted a tree in our babies memory and it's a touching way for it's little soul to live on. hugs to you all.
Bless your little souls.
It's so brave of you to share...
Be well.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My close friend lost her baby and it was very difficult but she made it through and got pregnant again and had a successful pregnancy after that. Lots of hugs and kisses!
i know what you're going through. you will never be the same...and that's ok. just feel it. its gonna be ok.
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