10/14/09

Remembering This Time Last Year



Around this time last year we were announcing this online after having confirmed my suspicions only a few days prior. Then later that week we shared this. And you guys were fantastic in supporting us first with your well wishes and then shared sorrow. I know hearing so many of your stories and written concerns helped us carry the pain as we worked through what we'd just lost.

I heard from a woman tonight who lost a baby around the same time last year and is also due on November 4th. I also learned that a woman whose support meant so much last October is mourning another miscarriage. It's reminded me to continue to appreciate the stories and lives behind the icons that appear in the comments section and to be thankful for the ways we can support each other online. You guys have been real in my life and I'm grateful.

With so much focus on these last few weeks before Ruby's arrival I've not been still long enough to reflect on where we were last year. I'm not sure if I'm in a strong place in the grieving process or just distracted but I know we won't easily forget that part of our story just because we're about to open a new chapter. Sebastian sleeps under our memory quilt now that the nights have gotten cold and someday I'll be able to tell him how meaningful it is to our family.

And for all of you who are in all the places a woman can be in regards to children, thank you for coming here and sharing a little bit of life with us.

xoxo,
Rachel

32 comments:

cara. said...

what a huge part of your story.

for what it's worth,
coming from me:

reconciliation will come.
ruby's arrival with heal a lot of wounds.

http://alittlebear.blogspot.com/2009/06/eeeeeeee.html

flying scissors said...

Stories likes yours will always be in a families heart. Thanks that you share it with us and help other women and families to share their stories.
To have Ruby by your family in some weeks will help to heal. You are a great and strong woman. I wish you great pregnancy weeks and i´m looking forward to see pictures of your family of four when you share them.

♥Amber Filkins♥ said...

Thanks so much Rachel. We will never forget. And thank you also for being such a support and encouragement to me.

♥ Amber

EliseBlaha said...

love to you rachel.

Dee Dee said...

Just want to send a Momma hug, and a kiss from my new baby.

India Daisy said...

I know the feeling! I can relate...love to you Rachel!
xoxo

*eni von und zu mai* said...

rachel...thank you so much for your words...so deep...thank you...
i have tears in my eyes...
you are s strong woman...
an i wish you the very best for these last weeks...an the best for you wonderful family...

love
eni

Heather said...

:) thanks for this post Rachel!

Leigh-Ann said...

i love you Rachel. I think it's really good that you expressed yourself creatively through the process. You've been really strong and courageous this year and we're all really proud of you! Good job Mamma! Love Leigh-Ann and my family

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!!

sonya audrey said...

I wasn't reading your blog at this time last year, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll be thinking of your family during this time of combined joy + sorrow. Peace, love + light to all of you.

sa.

Laurie Anne said...

Rachel
I am new to your blog so I was unaware of 'the story' but I am aware {through experience} that bringing that beautiful little girl into the world will heal your wounds and make you stronger...but 'the story' will be part of your heart and in your life forever.
Sending you much Peace & Strength & LOVE...

xoxoxo Laurie Anne of Rebel Blossom

Mindy said...

I went through the same thing as you this time last year and just three weeks ago today delivered my healthy baby girl, Ruby as well. I have been thinking about what a rough time I was having a year ago and how lucky I am to have a sweet baby to hold in my arms now. Its amazing how life works! Congrats to you and your family!

margot said...

i adore you. fyi.

Jamie said...

You are amazing, Rachel! And such an inspiration to me and so many others. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life. Sending you love and hugs!
xoxo -j

mrs boo radley said...

Thinking of you and lighting candles for all the angel babies today...October 15th: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

How lovely it is that you will have a sweet baby to hold soon!

Laura Mazurek said...

Since i am fairly new to your blog as well, I did not know your story. But thank you for sharing. It can be amazing what a support our friends online can be when we dont even know them. It definately gives you a sense of the universality within us. And you just may be helping someone else heal by being open with your life in this way! And I am not a mother yet, but I think the others are right about Ruby bringing you healing. And I think it is beautiful that you made a quilt and have made it a part of Ruby's 'special' things...You are obviously a wonderful mother :)

Karen M. Andersen said...

Hi Rachel. I have been thinking about pregnancy loss a lot lately...remembering mine, thinking about you and others that have been through the same. I just wanted to send you all my love and hugs, for this anniversary and for Ruby's impending arrival. Thank you for sharing your story with the world and for letting others feel more at ease with sharing theirs, too.

Love always, Karen xx

pcelamaja said...

This post made me experience many emotions at the same time...happy for all the children who are about to be born, a bit sad for having another pregnancy test negative when all I want for me and my dear fiance to have a beautiful baby of our own and most of all hopeful and optimistic for my and your future...It must be amazing to wait another member to such a beautiful and loving family...All the best!

Lindsay said...

Thanks for your uplifting thoughts today. Husband & I have been trying for 11 months now and still no luck.. I am starting to get very down & depressed about it. Sort of in a hopeless state. Your thoughts have helped to be more optomistic and hopeful. Thank you.

Crissy said...

I know the feeling, I've been there, and the joy that will be arriving soon will so help fill your heart again. How lovely that you have a quilt to help share the story of last year. Sebastian and Ruby are so very lucky to have a wonderful mother like you!

Emily said...

tearing up...thank you for being so dear to your readers & sharing so much of yourself!

~Emily

...on the brink of something beautiful said...

your blog is so wonderful and you seem like such an amazing and strong woman.
my heart really goes out to yall. my sister went through several miscarriages before finally having her beautiful children and i remember how difficult those times were for her.
Even though I personally have never gone through anywhere near the same kind of heartbreak, I can only imagine how difficult that must have been. But how wonderful that Ruby is now in the picture!! Congrats again on the beautiful daughter that will soon be joining your family!
God bless!

Diana said...

I always come back because when my husband and I have our first baby (next year maybe??) and your blog is a huge inspiration to thrive for the best. You craft, you are a wife, you are a mother, and even though you blog about how difficult it can be every now and then, your spirit is still strong.

I really hope that wasn't as cheesy as I wrote it but you get what i mean! :)

Melody said...

I'm sorry that you had to experience that part of the story. It's an indescribable pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. We've experienced it so many times.

Yesterday I was walking through the infant clothing and saw a "Baby's 1st Thanksgiving" onesie. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I realized that we would have been buying a little onesie like that had our child been born alive. It's a deep one that you really never forget.

*hugs* Thank you so much for remembering your dear lost little one. Healing comes when we take those moments to remember all that was lost.

paperyjane said...

we can never understand why things work they way they do, but we must learn to accept and be thankful for all the moments and memories we are allowed to carry with us. my husband and i had 12 miscarriages and had decided that being parents- didn't seem to be in God's big picture for us. it was a hard and painful decision to make, but we knew with his love and each other, we'd be okay.
about 1 month after this decision, we had the oppertunity to meet with a young woman who wanted to place her unborn up for adoption. it was a scary thing letting ourselves love and want again for that little one, but we agreed to meet with her. From the first time we met the birthmother, we knew and understood why things had happened. we were ment to be parents, just in another form. Our beautiful baby girl was born on 9/24/09- and everyday the healing continues. One day we will explain our great love of her to her, and why she is so special to us.
just know that the healing will continue as she grows.
you are amazing and strong and I can not wait to see miss ruby and the life she will bring to you all.

Tiffany Harper said...

Rachel, I know I will never forget. I lost my first baby at 13 weeks. Then praise God...I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Madi. She is now 3. We just gave birth on the 4th of July to a healthy boy Sean. I will never forget my unborn baby's story either. So many other mommies are out there who have experienced the same type of loss. We need to remember to lift up and encourage them. Thanks for sharing your story with us!

faith buss said...

I lurk on your site almost daily. Pretty sure I only comment when there's a giveaway...{sorry}.

But I wanted to thank you for today's post. My first baby was due in October 2006, but sadly miscarriage is a part of my story too. Though we busy ourselves with life (we can't help it with kiddos and hubbies to take care of!), we never forget.

That little life is a part of ours forever - changes us forever. So thanks for stopping me in my tracks today to embrace it.

Eeffie said...

Your story really touched me...

I went through the same thing April last year. When our newborn son was 8 days old, i let him wear the shirt i originally bought for the baby we lost exactly a year before...It really helped me focus on our new baby and the love i feel for him.

I still think about the miscarriage sometimes, but looking at my two kids i feel so blessed. I'm sad it happened, but at the same time i do think the miscarriage helped me grow as a person...

I hope these last weeks of your pregnancy will go well and i can't wait to see the pics of Ruby!

xoxo Eeffie

Suzanne said...

you are so brave to share your story and it's so nice of you to do so, helping others to share and heal in the process.
hugs to you and your family :)

lexsmama said...

You are such a brave and strong woman, Rachel.thank you for sharing all your stories with the world.

I would never wish a loss like that even on my worst enemy. You'll never forget the loss, but you will be able to move forward and make beautiful memories with Ruby in just a few short weeks. And think of Sebastian with her... makes it just a little better.

I wish you nothing but easy times ahead, and an easy birth.

Christine said...

I just wanted to say so sorry for your loss. And also thank you for puting the hard stuff into words and share them. I am in awe of your strenght, Ruby is lucky to be born into your family:)

Warm hugs from cold Norway

Jill said...

That was beautiful Rachel. Thank you for sharing your life with us all.